On letting go.

I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this lately.

I’m having trouble letting go of so much in this big transition phase of my life. And of course I mean in addition to the actual “things”- so many clothes and dorm stuff that I won’t be able to take with me.

Since I’m feeling a little complain-y, I’m going to let myself have today to think about one of the biggest things I feel like I’m going to learn to have to live without.

My friends.

This is huge. I know my girls will always be there for me, regardless of distance and time differences. They are the kind of people and we have the kind of support system that can and will last. I will have them over the phone and Skype and such, but it won’t quite be the same. They won’t be there for middle-of-the-night study breaks at Waffle House and they won’t be able to be by my side in a matter of minutes the way they can here. (And I won’t have Waffle House!)

We’ve built up a truly amazing sisterhood over these past four years and it’s hard to think about what I’m going to do when I won’t be seeing them every day. It’s wonderful to know that I have these powerful and strong women surrounding me. When one of our friends is in need, we rally. We support. We love. No longer having that immediate support is going to be strange and difficult for sure. I’m not sure that people find these kinds of friendships on a regular basis. I don’t know if I’ll make friends that I can become this comfortable with in Boise. Or wherever I end up after that. As exciting as this step is, it’s scary.

I know that I’m doing the right thing by making this move. I will have a good job, a place to stay, and I will be closer to my family. Right now, this is what I need to do and what will be best for me. It’s just hard to think about leaving this city that I love and where I’ve built my life.

I have a lot of life ahead of me, I know that, but it’s hard to see that right now.

 

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Happy Easter!

Whether today is about Jesus or bunnies and chocolate or just another Sunday, I hope today is a lovely day for each of you!

For me, this Sunday is for data analysis and spending time with my sweet roommate. I will work out later and watch The Walking Dead and hopefully get to sleep at a decent time tonight.

Last year, I went to church with one of my friends whose family invited me to go with them. It was such a great experience and I’ve been reflecting on that a lot today. That day after church the mom gave me an Easter basket and her dad took us all out to brunch and they were just lovely human beings. What really hit me was the sermon at the church we went to. I’m not a super religious person but the message was still very uplifting. That day I was surrounded with so much love and was filled with energy and life.

After that, I wrote the following.

At one point during the sermon, the pastor said something that stuck with me and hit me like a ton of bricks- in a good way. It also helped that he used a Lord of the Rings analogy, haha.

He talked about, when leaving the theater after seeing the first part of the trilogy, a couple in front of him was discussing the movie. The woman was saying how it was such an awful ending to the story (the movie ends with the characters being in a bad spot, Gandalf has died and things don’t look good). Then the man said to her “Honey, the story isn’t over yet.” And I know it’s a silly reference to a movie but the point is that even though things looked bleak and looked like this is how things are ending, it’s important to realize that this isn’t the end of the story. Not in the trilogy, and not in life. 

Whether you believe that’s because Christ is risen and gives the promise of life after death, or you believe that there is nothing after death, it’s important to remember that even while we are here, the story isn’t over. 

You may be sitting in the greatest letdown ever, thinking that this is the worst ending to a story ever, but it isn’t over. You have to trust that there is more.

Your story isn’t over yet.

Reflecting on this today has been really helpful. I think that as I get closer and closer to this huge transition in life- leaving college, moving, joining in the real world- I think it’s important to really remember this. The story isn’t over. It seems like the end of a lot because I am leaving everything I’ve ever known (friends, school, etc). But this is just the beginning of something bigger and better than I’ve ever experienced. It’s scary, but it’s exciting to think that there’s always more to my story that remains to be written.